I'm done... SERIOUSLY

I hate knowing that what I had will never come back. Not even for a second. Seeing him... hurts. Especially when its with another girl. I hate knowing that what we have will probably never compare to what he has with that girl but at the same time... he's got to compare SOMETHING of hers to me... right? I know this is a futile battle that I keep participating because whenever he gets bored of his girl he comes back to me because he realizes that I want to rekindle what we had... even if its for that moment. I hate being me. I just wish I was in her shoes... so that I could see what makes HIM so special... and why she only sees the charming and not the conniving bastard that I see. Damn... where's Derek at when you need him? Oh thats right... we're on a break... because we're into our damn schoolwork to even think about a possible girlfriend or boyfriend... then why in the hell am I thinking about someone else?? S*it... I need something... I just don't know what it is yet.